Pricey Amy: “Curt” and I’ve been pals for about 15 years. I like him as an awesome volunteer for a gaggle we each belong to. He has a little bit of a difficult character (he could be self-centered, and too talkative), however he’s a pleasant man and a great pal.
I lately met his spouse for the primary time. My downside is that, as soon as the spouse discovered that I knew “Curt,” she wasted no time launching right into a diatribe about him. She cited chapter and verse, with examples, of what a horrible man he’s and the way a lot she hates him.
Within the second, I attempted to not register my shock (keep in mind, I had simply met her). Perhaps she simply wanted to speak in confidence to one other lady, and would have achieved the identical with anybody.
My dilemma is methods to proceed. I nearly really feel obligated to inform Curt what his spouse stated in order that he can save his marriage if he needs to. (Sure, it was that unhealthy.) However I additionally ponder whether if listening to this from me can be extra embarrassing than useful.
Curt could be so oblivious to different people who he might not, in truth, pay attention to this. My different possibility is to go away nicely sufficient alone, however that looks like betrayal. What in the event that they do divorce and I might have achieved one thing to stop it? What’s your recommendation?
— Is aware of Too A lot
Pricey Is aware of Too A lot: “Curt’s” spouse shouldn’t have launched into an in depth diatribe about his awfulness, actually in your first assembly.
However — simply as she shouldn’t have confided in you, you shouldn’t attempt to assist Curt “save his marriage, if he needs to.”
In fact, you might have completely no approach of realizing, however it’s potential that Curt just isn’t truly the good man you assume he’s – to his spouse, anyway. Many individuals function comfortably in a duality – exhibiting one aspect of their character and character at residence, and a polar-opposite aspect elsewhere on the earth.
Are you so insightful that you understand how this particular person behaves in his different relationships?
Both Curt is horrible, or his spouse is. As a result of your relationship with him appears confined to the volunteer exercise you share, I recommend that you just droop your judgment about both of them.
Pricey Amy: Our 18-year-old son is about to graduate from highschool, and he’s adamant that he does NOT desire a commencement social gathering.
He hates small speak, doesn’t prefer to be the focal point, and has some social nervousness, so my spouse and I perceive his choice.
We’ve a big prolonged household, and a few of them are telling us to “overrule” our son and have a commencement social gathering, anyway.
We want to honor our son’s request, and on the similar time, frankly, would not have the power to place up with an offended teenager for a few weeks whereas we exhaust ourselves cleansing the home, procuring and cooking for the social gathering — which our son doesn’t need.
How can we “announce” that he’s graduating with out inviting everybody to the precise commencement (attendance is proscribed by the highschool to rapid household solely) and with out having a commencement social gathering?
On the similar time, we don’t want an announcement to seem like a name for items, as that isn’t our intent. We simply wish to let our prolonged household and pals know our son is graduating.
— Worn out Dad and mom
Pricey Worn Out: In case your son didn’t wish to have a celebration, however you probably did, it might be one other matter; however in accordance with you, you additionally don’t wish to host a celebration.
It’s best to assume that your mates and prolonged household already know that your son is graduating from highschool. In spite of everything, in accordance with you, a few of these relations have already been agitating so that you can overrule your son’s preferences and have a celebration.
It’s best to do no matter you and your son agree upon. After the actual fact, you possibly can stay personal, publish your congratulations on social media, by a gaggle electronic mail, or by sending out printed bulletins. You may’t management how individuals interpret it.
Pricey Amy: I’m weighing in on the letter from “Disgusted,” concerning a grandmother who admonished her granddaughter: “Don’t get raped.”
This type of inappropriate outburst can sign the beginnings of dementia. Grandma needs to be checked out.
— Reader with Radar
Pricey Reader: In line with “Disgusted,” Grandma has a protracted and storied historical past of capturing from the lip.